i'm sore. yesterday i was so sore i felt like i could barely breath. i felt like a dried up sprayed on roach. like a splattered bug. it makes me feel old. but i'm not that old so why did i feel that sore?
saturday afternoon golf was easy. tiring but easy. we went for an evening walk as well, but it was short and not fast paced. no, saturday was not a problem.
we went bowling sunday afternoon. the most interesting part of that outing was the massive tip our server gave himself. our food was cold, we had to ask for it and he never brought back the change. we only went to play 2 games. i mean we haven't bowled for nearly a year so we decided to take it easy.
both my scores sucked ass. rigid eventually broke 100 by the end of the 2nd match. i never even came close. i believe the first match was a 70something and the 2nd an 80something. that was it. it was so disappointing we didn't even bother paying for a third match. we were pooped.
what more can i say about bowling? it's not exactly the most exciting sport. how is it even a sport? i mean like a total body workout. like my skull and toenails were fucking sore kind of workout. bullshit. i don't buy it. i'm old? Meh.
last sunday i ended up with a boil on the back of my neck. my brain is still buzzing with all the symptoms i could possibly have because of it. i've looked up so many diagnoses that my eyes are crossed. there's nothing wrong with me. i know there's nothing wrong with me, but i keep trying to find something. i'm pretty sure i hugged one of my cats. every time i hug one of them (particularly artemis) something goes wrong. i'll get cystic acne or some strange bump. the next thing you know i feel infected. zombiefied.
on top of that everyone at work is sick. dropping like flies. yesterday i sneezed a whole 4 times. FOUR WHOLE TIMES. that's a lot of sneezing. when i got home i ached and ached and ached all over. i thought i was doomed. DOOMED. but i feel fine. a little sleepy and tired and still a little sore even...but all around fine.
i don't get it.
could be the diet pills. i skipped a dose on sunday and monday because i was running low and was too lazy to go out and buy them. rigid went out before bed. a diet pill run. who ever heard of a diet pill run. i'm not even dieting. i need the energy & focus. i don't fancy getting back on the adderall though. i've got the horrible suspicion that it'll make me want to smoke again. i don't want to smoke anymore. i haven't smoked in months. i have no idea how many months i just know it's months. better not keep track of things like this. that way, it feels like i've only been quit for a few weeks.
whatever. i feel like a decrepit old granny bowler only that's an insult to decrepit old granny bowlers because i bet even they could break 100 per match.
pathetic.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
i'm an insult to granny bowlers
Monday, April 11, 2011
Misconfide In Meh
i'm not exactly sure what i'm doing at the moment. i feel free because i've started a new blog. i wanted to start fresh. away from all those silly blogs i created before. i'll probably change the title of this blog as well. i want to steer away from the "mis" series of blogs i began so many years ago.
i'm starting to feel like my life is in slowly coming back to me. it kind of feels like that funny tingling sensation after a body part starts to wake up. it's can be painful and slow to wake up, but after enough massage and tenderness you're sleepy body part will awake once more to be a useful and productive part of your body. you will walk without a limp or hold your book up with both arms...speak without a lisp, though i've never known my tongue to go...well, actually yes i have, but we won't go into that now.
i think what i need to stop doing is worrying about what i'm going to do or write and just do it. just write. do what i used to do and just write. who gives a shit what i say? who fucking cares? no one reads this crap anyway and even if they did i really wouldn't care. i used to write with complete and utter careless abandon because i didn't care what ANYONE thought EVER. i loved that life. granted, i was also slightly out of my gore, but i loved it.
my life was so full of color and wonder and agony. but all that bitterness and resentment has sort of taken a backseat to this drab new little life i seem to have carved out for myself. rigid is now with the national guard. because of it he finally got his citizenship and he even has a job. okay, so they're not actually giving him much work and i'm pretty much still the primary breadwinner, but i'm enjoying my life a lot more. i'm bored a lot, but i'm happily bored. nowadays if i'm screaming at the top of my lungs it's just because i have nothing better to do. i feel like i have to clear the cobwebs out of my lungs sometimes. i allow myself to get stupidly angry. i allow my PMS to flourish.
i don't see anything wrong with that. perfectly natural. life, though, is actually boring. so boring i've taken up golf. yes, golf. it's kind of sad actually. it makes me feel like...old. i'm only going to be 37. still, i feel like a 37 year old going on 44. that can't be good can it?
what i'm trying to do now is concentrate on getting my life in order. setting quiet little goals in my mind to accomplish. paint, crochet, clean house, have orgasms, play golf, go bowling, learn to snorkel again. one of the biggest things on my life is fix my echo. i let it sit broken down for just over a year. that car is the reason why it took rigid a year to finally get a drivers license. it's a long story, but he's got his license now and he's insured. this past year we've made progress in leaps and bounds. now if only i can get him through his police training in one piece.
yeah, he applied for the LAPD and passed the essays with an 85%. the background check is next and after than a psych evaluation. if all goes as planned he'll begin training in august this year. if we're lucky he won't deploy next year either. my entire life revolves around my husband. i hope he never has to leave me. but i can't be that naive. i know he has a duty to himself and his country. omg...this is his country now. so weird!
well, i have tons more to write, but i'm so tired now. i'm actually kind of glad i called this blog misconfide. it makes no sense and i know the word doesn't actually exist, but it feels like it's going to fit.
i'm starting to feel like my life is in slowly coming back to me. it kind of feels like that funny tingling sensation after a body part starts to wake up. it's can be painful and slow to wake up, but after enough massage and tenderness you're sleepy body part will awake once more to be a useful and productive part of your body. you will walk without a limp or hold your book up with both arms...speak without a lisp, though i've never known my tongue to go...well, actually yes i have, but we won't go into that now.
i think what i need to stop doing is worrying about what i'm going to do or write and just do it. just write. do what i used to do and just write. who gives a shit what i say? who fucking cares? no one reads this crap anyway and even if they did i really wouldn't care. i used to write with complete and utter careless abandon because i didn't care what ANYONE thought EVER. i loved that life. granted, i was also slightly out of my gore, but i loved it.
my life was so full of color and wonder and agony. but all that bitterness and resentment has sort of taken a backseat to this drab new little life i seem to have carved out for myself. rigid is now with the national guard. because of it he finally got his citizenship and he even has a job. okay, so they're not actually giving him much work and i'm pretty much still the primary breadwinner, but i'm enjoying my life a lot more. i'm bored a lot, but i'm happily bored. nowadays if i'm screaming at the top of my lungs it's just because i have nothing better to do. i feel like i have to clear the cobwebs out of my lungs sometimes. i allow myself to get stupidly angry. i allow my PMS to flourish.
i don't see anything wrong with that. perfectly natural. life, though, is actually boring. so boring i've taken up golf. yes, golf. it's kind of sad actually. it makes me feel like...old. i'm only going to be 37. still, i feel like a 37 year old going on 44. that can't be good can it?
what i'm trying to do now is concentrate on getting my life in order. setting quiet little goals in my mind to accomplish. paint, crochet, clean house, have orgasms, play golf, go bowling, learn to snorkel again. one of the biggest things on my life is fix my echo. i let it sit broken down for just over a year. that car is the reason why it took rigid a year to finally get a drivers license. it's a long story, but he's got his license now and he's insured. this past year we've made progress in leaps and bounds. now if only i can get him through his police training in one piece.
yeah, he applied for the LAPD and passed the essays with an 85%. the background check is next and after than a psych evaluation. if all goes as planned he'll begin training in august this year. if we're lucky he won't deploy next year either. my entire life revolves around my husband. i hope he never has to leave me. but i can't be that naive. i know he has a duty to himself and his country. omg...this is his country now. so weird!
well, i have tons more to write, but i'm so tired now. i'm actually kind of glad i called this blog misconfide. it makes no sense and i know the word doesn't actually exist, but it feels like it's going to fit.
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