When asked if I collected anything I would have to say not really...not intentionally. I'm not talking about the collection of snakes, spiders and alien creatures I had the habit of collection from the toy vending machines. No. I'm not talking about the collection of shoes in my closet, more than half of which are currently sprawled out in my garage. No. No, I'm talking about my cat collection. Oh, I'm not much of a bauble, video or book collector. I have some stuff, but not really. I'm not much of a collector of anything, but cats. Real live cats...now that apparently I do collect.
Yes, it was totally unintentional. You see, I had a cat. Her name was Morrigan. Is Morrigan. Jeez. I'm not even halfway through this post and I'm already putting the poor thing in her grave. Morrigan has been my little cat companion for around 11 years now. Possibly 12. She's laying on my chase right now in fact on one of her many cat naps. I notice she take more cat naps than usual these days, but she's been through some shiz let's just put it that way.
I love Morrigan. I would starve myself to make sure she was well taken care of. I have starved myself to make sure she's well taken care of. Morrigan has always been my one and only...that is until I got remarried.
When my husband came into my life it was awful. Don't get me wrong. I fell in love with him straight away. Too fast if you ask me, but I did and it was wonderful. Problem was he lived in England. Yup...England. To this day I haven't actually been there. Well, his first trip out here was amazing. I felt like a princess. We spent quite a long time together. I'm sure it was at least a month...2-3 weeks. We didn't want it to end though and he proposed after he'd been back home a few weeks. I didn't accept, but when he came back for a longer visit a few months later I did and it was official. I was getting re-married....Now about that pesky divorce...
So while in the midst of all this turmoil in my life Morrigan hadn't actually decided whether or not she would accept this new addition to our family. I mean, her Daddy was still sleeping in the other room. Who was this new person sleeping in her bed? She decided she didn't like the situation much and was determined to let my fiancée know who was in charge and who belonged to who by pissing on everything he owned. Rigid didn't take kindly to cats urinating on his belongings and I hadn't actually ever dealt with anything like that in my entire life so I let the two of them duke it out.
Eventually I bought him a cat so he'd pretty much stay away from mine. Had I realized then what a horrible mistake that would be I never in my wildest dreams would have done it. But I did and it was gruesome. I may as well have tortured my cat and ripped out her claws one by one. She did however become adjusted to Salem and eventually even grew to love her. Unfortunately Salem never grew to love me since Rigid had to once again hop back to the pond from whence he came. His Visa expired.
Salem never adjusted to this shift well, but we all eventually coped. There I was with two cats and my ex-husband. I wish I had known how to get rid of him. My ex that is. Salem is a girl. He just never left. It was one of those things, but whatever. The divorce eventually went through and Rigid and I were able to finally get married. It took some doing, but we did and there you have it. One big happy family...sans the ex of course.
I don't know what happened. I don't know if it was the death of my Aunt, my miscarriage, my divorce or my dysfunctional family life. But something happened, awful things that I hate thinking about and it was all surrounding my awful family. I love them, but they're THOSE types of people. Dysfunctional people that wander the earth just wreaking havoc and never acknowledging their mistakes. Never apologizing for their horrible intrusions. Self centered egoists. Eventually their beauty faded and the truth behind their false veneers shined through. My husband detests my family.
When we were finally married my mother decided she needed a place to stay since things between her and my sister weren't so great anymore. Not only did it not work out well, but she let Morrigan out. Hell, I think Morrigan and Salem got out. They're not fixed. They've never gotten out. Ever.I was lost without my Morrigan. Completely lost. I was so lonely. Rigid was lonely without his Salem too, but he didn't really let it show. He wasn't very supportive of my pain either. I also didn't quite know what something like that would feel like. Sure, I've lost pets before, but not a companion. Morrigan stopped being a pet a long time ago. She was my friend. I couldn't imagine my life without her. I really couldn't. To say I was devastated is just grossly understated. I think she was gone for nearly 3 weeks. Suddenly she was home and so was Salem. Our cats came home.
Starving and horrified, but they were home. Flea ridden bastards they were too. I think Mom left either before of after this ordeal. We got them back to normal and took care of the fleas quickly. We were one big happy family again. It was wonderful. Then one day Rigid and I sat on the couch watching TV with Morrigan between us as usual. To our horror my cat started having contractions. CONTRACTIONS. I was disgusted with myself. I couldn't understand how I could have missed it. How could I think it wasn't possible. Salem showed no signs of pregnancy, but Morrigan gained weight so quickly. Of course, Morg was always a chubby cat and Salem was always a stick. When they came home I just thought they got back to their normal size, but no, not Morrigan. Morrigan was fucking pregnant.
She gave birth to a giant litter. They all died one by one over the next few days until she eventually lost them all. She didn't know how to care for them and clearly I didn't either. We were all devestated. Watching my cat day after day call me to the spot where her last few kittens died was gut wrenching. I just couldn't take it anymore so when my sister had a litter not long after that Rigid and I thought why not. We brought Artemis home for Morrigan and Artemis fed with her surrogate mommy for weeks to come.
Rigid and I continued to have family trouble. The more he grew to know them the more he grew to dislike them and I was caught in the middle. Financial troubles didn't help either. Still most of the problems we had sprang out of that family dysfunction. To describe it in as concise a way as possible I can only say this. Hereditary mental disease.
Through this saddening family situation came Serendipity. Not really through them, but because I was thinking of them at the time. I was on the freeway thinking how sad and lonely I was. Feeling sorry for myself that I don't have a normal family I can count on. People whose company I can truly say I enjoy and that don't make me feel like a horrible human being completely different from them. Family that don't make me feel like an outsider when I come over. Family that don't put my life in danger or theirs and that don't threaten to be the cause of my second divorce. There was Seren trotting down the freeway like her life depended on it. It did you know. She was going to die and there was nothing anyone could do about it. I was in my sad daydream and I pictured myself opening my door and scooping her right up and into my arms. Well it wasn't a daydream and I was scooping her up and missed so I jumped out of my car scooped her into my arms and ran back into my car only I never put it in park and my car kept going. I was on a bridge and my leg was now pinned between the car and car door. The car door was pinned to the bridge wall also.
There I was, cat in hand, hanging on a bridge. I thought of the Red Hot Chilly Peppers at that moment and hung my head over the bridge. Long drop. Right leg pinned. Can't get in. Car still trying to move forward. The cars on the freeway were now going 2mph instead of the 10mph we were doing before my little mishap. No one stopped to help me. I wrenched my leg free and thought about squeezing through again, but I didn't fancy getting half my body cut in half or pinned. I could see the firemen trying to pry my body free. My mind ran wild. The kitten which had previously been running like mad, tiny little black tail pointing rigid to the sky in sheer terror was now limp in my hand. I wondered if it was dead, but I just made my way around to the back of the car and for some reason held on to my car to keep it from moving forward. I shoved the cat into my pocket and clung to my car. Eventually someone did help me and we pushed my car back enough to get in. He put the car in park I jumped in and took off. The last thing I needed was police coming around. I never got his name. He must have thought I was on drugs. I was of course. Prescription drugs. I guess I should have read the label better.
That's how Seren came into our lives. We weren't planning on keeping her. I knew there was no possible way I could sustain my house, my husband and 4 cats but when it came time to give her up I could't. I just stared at that little black bundle of hair and grey/blue eyes and I crumbled. She was my Serendipity. Our fatal mistake was in not allowing that precious little kitten into the bedroom at night. Rigid thought it would be best and I complied with his wishes. Why? I just didn't want to argue about anything anymore. I didn't have the energy and I knew that if I was capable of jumping out of a car on the freeway just to save a kitten I was capable of anything and you know...I didn't want to end up in jail so Seren never knew the warm bed Morrigan, Salem and even Artemis knew.
Mother eventually ended up back with us for a short while. I say short because she let my fucking cat out again and this time Artemis had kittens. They also didn't survive, but Artemis has very short term memory and didn't suffer much because of it. Meanwile Morrigan also got out and Mom eventually left. I blame Mom for everything, but I can't really because a responsible owner fixes her animals. I just couldn't. I know exactly why, but I can't possibly help anyone understand it. So Morrigan had a kitten. Just one, but we were ready for this one and Morrigan had lots of love and attention and plenty of healthy food and drink. She was so happy. Still, she didn't know what to do and couldn't do it without out us and I realized this fact before it was too late. It also wasn't her fault. She's too old at this point and her milk ducts weren't working properly. Maybe a few teats still worked, but not enough. Rigid and I hand reared the most beautiful cat in the world and we named him Grendel.
Grendel. If there was ever a reason for the idiom "apple of my eye" to ever be uttered it was when Grendel was born. He was the fucking apple of our mother fucking eyes. To this day I choke when I say his name. The nearly three years he spent with us were the best 3 years of our lives. Rigid and I learned how to work together better just in rearing that kitten together. That cat was so loved and so precious to us there's no possible way to explain it in rational terms. He was like our child. He had so much personality. So different from any other animal we've ever come across. Maybe because he was hand reared, but maybe because he was Morrigan's. She was not like any ordinary cat when I brought her home either. Hell, she played catch with us. She even fetched. Grendel was an extraordinary friend but he died very suddenly and without much warning. Some neurological disorder. He just started having seizures and in a couple of days just died.
I was at work and got a call from my husband. I had been checking in on Grendel throughout the day. He was dying and waited to hear my voice before he went. My husband called, told me he looked like he was ready to go and I spoke to him and said, "Hi my beautiful Grendel. I love you baby Bino." and my husband picked the phone back up and told me he was gone. Just like that. We were crushed.
My cat collection went from 5 to 4 in just a few minutes time and we were destroyed. I prepared to have him cremated as soon as I got home. I've never had a pet cremated before. I thought I would have tons of paperwork to fill out or need a cause of death from a vet. Nothing. You can have any pet cremated, paw prints, urn the works.
That was it. My cat died and I still haven't gotten over it. I still have 4 lovely cats to contend with and we're happy they're here and driving us crazy. I figure I won't collect any cats anymore. I will however start working on my ash collection. I hate to say this Morrigan, but you're getting on in years dear.
